Michelle Barker on Stage Fright

Here's Michelle on public speaking. I really feel this post.

There was a time when I traveled the world to give conference talks. Two or three conferences a month weren't unusual. Today, this lifestyle seems impossible to me.

The jetsetting disappeared with Covid and unfortunately was replaced by chronic anxiety. Michelle's words stir up a lot of feelings for me right now.

You know without a doubt that you'll go to pieces the moment you get out there, that there's no way you can go through with this. But you do it anyway. Because it's too late to back out now. Because not doing it would be worse, somehow.

Yes! Getting on a stage is nerve-racking. However, I always loved the adrenaline rush and loved pushing myself through the discomfort. As we say in German: "Augen zu und durch!" (Eyes shut and push through.) Once you're past the point of backing out, that's the only option left.

And you realise you're enjoying this moment. That the butterflies in your stomach have become your friends. You settle into a rhythm. The air is alive with electricity, aglow with possibility. You don't want this to end.

Yes! The feeling of doing well while having everybody's attention on a stage is magical.

The surge of emotion as the dopamine replaces the adrenalin, the applause of the audience letting you know you survived and, more than that, something inside you touched something inside them.

Yes! Nothing beats the feeling of accomplishment. The afterglow is very real. And every thank-you you receive makes you feel like you're on top of the world.

Reading all this, I realize that this entire experience frightens me today, but I really miss it too.

I know it'll be tough, but I've already agreed to give one conference talk later this year. It's been a long while since I last stood on a stage. Wish me luck!